Ep 1: Our Story, His Glory - Part 1

In this pilot episode of Love By Design, we share OUR STORY of our tumultuous friendship, dating, and engagement season that laid the groundwork for our marriage.

Transcript

Our Story, His Glory - Part 1
===

[00:00:00] What's up guys? Welcome to this little podcast that does not yet have a name. My name is Aaron. This is my better half patience, and we will be sharing with you guys. The things that we've learned on our journey, , and our two short, yet very eventful years. Married, , we'll be sharing tips on marriage, relationships, communication, , spiritual, , things related to marriage, all the jazz that goes into having a relationship.

So whether you are actively married. Or you're dating or you're engaged. If you're a new couple or you've been married for 40 years and you're still trying to figure it out, then this is the place for you. But we will be primarily focusing on the newer relationships, , and building that groundwork together.

, but again, this is just as applicable if maybe you're 40 years [00:01:00] married, but you just realize like, crap. I don't really have a groundwork. , and side note, again, we don't really have a name for this yet, um, but our number one mission is by the end of the podcast, , we'll have a name. Yeah. Sometime at the end of season one.

Yeah. Which will end at whatever point we'll see. Um, but yeah. Do you have anything to add before we dive into, , our story? I think the only other thing I wanna add is that obviously we're only two years in and we don't know everything, but what we've learned we want to share with you guys. So if it helps anyone.

Then to God be the glory to God, be the glory. Cool. Well, let's go ahead and dive right in. What we'll be talking about today is our story. So we'll be talking through the, , unique journey that we've had over the last, at this point, six years together. Um, six years since we met and two years married. It's been a hot second.

Yeah, indeed. Dang. So we'll be going through the story from the start to the finish and sharing what made it a bumpy ride. , what were all of the things that we messed up, all the Im maturities that we [00:02:00] had, and, , just kind of going through that stuff together. And hopefully at least one person listening to this will identify with one element of our story and be like, man, I definitely don't wanna make the same mistake that that couple made, , and I could avoid that.

Or maybe you've already made the mistake and , it's too late, but you want to hear how we got out of it. So, do you guys already, you guys ready for a. A good time. Yeah, this will probably be a long one. Buckle in. Yeah. Yeah, definitely longer than normal. So I'm gonna go ahead and take a sip of this and we'll get started.

So we met in the fall of 2019. We had a free swing dancing club on campus. I think it was free ballroom dancing. So on college campus? Yeah, on our college campus. Shout out to Regent University. Yes, Regent University. So I remember seeing the poster for that voice. Yeah. I remember seeing the poster for a free ballroom dancing lesson and I was like, absolutely.

I'm in. And I [00:03:00] think either the first or second time I went. You were also there. I, , saw patients on the other side of the room and , the thought that went through my head in that moment is like, Ooh, she's cute. Lemme go chat with her. So, , that's what I did. And , obviously like you kind of pair up with different people in the room.

Yeah. And I made sure I got paired up with her. Mm-hmm. So, you know how like Christian colleges and universities, everyone's on the lookout for their Mr. Or misses or their MRS degree, you know, so, you know, I was, yeah. Um, so I was, you know, always on the lookout keeping my eyes peeled for attractive young gentlemen, you know, so I remember, um.

At the end of the ballroom dancing club, I got Aaron's number and I remember gi giving him the, the flirty arm touch. You know, I was like, thanks for your number. It was so great dancing with you, you know, and it was feeling my non-existent biceps at the time. Yeah, agree at the time. Um, and so at that point, um, patience was with a friend of hers and, , I invited [00:04:00] both of them back to my apartment.

And when they came into my apartment, , that evening, I basically told them why I hated the concept of dating, um, and why I thought it was broken and not actually effective or holy or Christian. And so, , definitely a great way to kick off. , relationship with girl. For sure. Yeah, for sure. And with that being said, we stayed friends for a long time.

Very, very long time. Very long time. But we'll talk about that here in just a second. Yeah. So, you know, we saw each other around on campus. We didn't, I don't think we had any of the same classes or anything, but you know, here and there we saw each other and, and texted once in a while. The occasionally texted back and forth.

No, this was fall of 2019. Yeah. And so not long after. Covid hits, that's, yeah. And the pandemic shuts down the world. Everything. Yeah. And so, , at that point we knew each other enough. Mm-hmm. That like, we would catch up once every month, a few months, you know, a few months, something like that. Mm-hmm. And just kind of text back and forth was like, yo, we need to catch up.

Yeah, for sure. I'm super [00:05:00] busy and then I just never talk. And then we, we don't actually talk. So, , we were kind of texting back and forth. And then, , we get around, you know, campus opens back up. You have like, you know, everyone's got the, the scares. So you know, if you're even is got a stuffy nose, you're in quarantine for two weeks and it's a whole thing.

So I did that many times. We go through that process and then, , I How did we like end up meeting? Did you see me across like with KA guitar? Yes. I remember. This is such a vivid memory for me. So I remember sitting in front of the communication building and I was outside and it was my first day outta quarantine after two weeks because I had tested positive.

Um, it was my first day outside. It was like march or springtime, and it was nice. I remember seeing Aaron with his long hair and a guitar strapped to his back and I think I activated and I think I had called you over. And just asked if you wanted to hang out. And then from there we started hanging out.

Yeah. And I think around that time, , [00:06:00] I also asked you to, 'cause I went to film school. Mm-hmm. So I also asked you to help me on my, some film projects. Film projects. You know, like I needed to make a new reel. Mm-hmm. So I needed to get a couple shots that I wanted to get on my reel. Yeah. And so I was like, Hey, do you wanna be a model for me?

Mm. And so, you know, got her to come out model. Okay. Yeah. , yeah. So took her out to Bojangles, which I was obsessed with at the time. And, you know, she met my dog and we were just hanging out. And then from there we were like, okay, like, you know, she's a pretty cool person to hang around. We clicked pretty well, we clicked really, really well.

Yeah. And so then we would just hang around more often. , and then around March of 2021, we, that, that was, this is around when this was happening. Yeah. , this is when we became like, really good friends. Yeah. Like best friends. Yeah. And then from there we spent. A lot of time together. Yeah. And this is where things get interesting.

Things start getting tricky. Yeah. So again, mind you, we're friends at this time. Mm-hmm. Um, [00:07:00] but we are hanging out, you know, a few times a week. Mm-hmm. And then it becomes every other night. Yeah. And then it becomes almost every night, almost every single night. Which, , if anyone does not know, that's not normal for a guy girl friendship.

No, not at all. And the thing is, like, I was really big on, well, I am, I. You know, like, I like to defy the odds, you know, like I, and no one's gonna define for me what a, what a good friendship is. Yeah. Or whatever. But what made it interesting is that I had this view on dating mm-hmm. That, , we could talk about in another episode.

Mm-hmm. But from my perspective, I was like, okay, dating is, , should be done in a manner that it's not to kind of create a lot of emotional intimacy before marriage. Yeah. Yeah. Because that sort of emotional intimacy should be reserved for your spouse. Mm-hmm. I didn't really think there was a lot of danger in, you know, a guy and a girl having that sort of connection with one [00:08:00] another on a friendship basis.

Mm-hmm. Friendship, emotional intimacy. Yeah. As if that's different from their just normal emotional intimacy in the first place. And so it, what was ironic is that I was trying to avoid, I. Going into this sort of dating emotional intimacy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But ended up substituting it for friendship, emotional intimacy.

We were best. Mm-hmm. Best, best friends. Yeah. Right. We practically everything that we were, yes. We were emotionally intimate with each other in a way that like, you didn't wanna say we were dating 'cause we, we weren't. Mm-hmm. We had never called it that, but we practically were with how emotionally close we were.

We were like engaging in emotional intimacy that should have been reserved for marriage. Yeah. And what made it even more difficult? And of course like hindsight's 2020. Yeah. And this is all stuff that we kind of learned. After multiple years coming out of this and looking back, because in the moment mm-hmm.

It seemed right. Yeah. In the moment there didn't seem to be any issues with it. Yeah. But what ended up happening [00:09:00] was, , like I could tell that patience was into me. Mm-hmm. Um, and I had thought about it with her, but there were a few things that I was like, okay, probably isn't the right fit. Mm-hmm. We both had some maturing that we needed to do.

I recognized it myself. Like I made a list of like, all right, I need to get like these things figured out. I need to get, like, 'cause again, my view of dating was it's a process to get to marriage. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. And so I needed, wanted to make sure that I was financially stable so that I could provide for my wife.

I wanted to make sure that I was emotionally stable. , I wanna make sure that like, I had some, some sort of spiritual discipline in my life. Like all of these things before I even entered into the dating scene. Mm-hmm. So, , that progressed and, but the thing is, again, I did not. Put any guards on our relationship.

Mm-hmm. So September mm-hmm. 2021 rolls around and, , friend of ours comes into town. You know, we go to an A JR concert. That was fun. Which if you've heard [00:10:00] of a JR freaking amazing concerts. Yeah. , and we were playing a card game called we are Not Really Strangers. Mm-hmm. Also highly recommend the card game.

That's good. And we were sitting down, it was the founders in restaurant that they had on campus, and we got like these cocktails and we were just sitting there in the evening having a good time playing this card game. Mm-hmm. And there was a question that, , I pulled. Mm-hmm. And it was to ask you what is one thing you've been meaning to ask?

But you've been too afraid to ask it. Mm-hmm. And, and I played dumb, but I knew in that moment I knew what I wanted to ask, which was, have you ever considered a relationship with me or have you ever had feelings for me? Or something along those lines. And I just played dumb. 'cause I was like, I can't let this guy know that I have feelings for him, because I definitely did at that point in time.

We had been close friends for a few months [00:11:00] and I was like, this guy's fun. You know, like I, I was definitely into you. Um, but I just, I didn't wanna ruin our friendship, and I, I didn't think that you had any feelings for me, so I never said anything, and I kept it very private, although I was very bad at lying about it.

I don't know. I'm not a good actor, so. Mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, he pulled this card and I was like, oh, I don't know. I don't have a question for you. I think about it, and I just passed it along, you know, I just, I was like, oh, kind of a boy, man. You know? You got something. Yeah, I definitely tried to avoid it. Yeah.

Well at that point, right? , I think. I thin uh, as we were talking about it, I was like, okay, patience. Like you gotta come up with something. And she was like, okay, I'll think about it. Yeah. And I'll let you know within, you know, a few days. Yeah. And we both knew. Yeah, right. , we were 21 and, you know, immature, you know, 20, 21 year olds are, so if you're 20 and you're listening to this, , [00:12:00] don't be offended.

I was where you were and I was just as immature as you are right now. Um, so don't get offended. , but anyway, so we're, we're playing this game, right? And then, you know, a few days pass and she text me and she's like, Hey, I have that question. I was like, about thing time. And, , you know. Beat up. And she's like, have you ever considered a relationship?

And I was like, d . Like obviously, right. And I was shook. I was like, this man has, there's no way. Like, I just never thought you had considered anything like that. Yeah. But, and like, honestly, and I just shared, like I had a lot that I still needed to work through and a lot of maturing that I still needed to do.

And that's why I didn't take any sort of action. Mm-hmm. But at the same time, like I could tell that you had feelings. Right. But it wasn't my place to call it out. Yeah, yeah. Um, and so it was up to you on whether or not you wanted to bring that up. Mm-hmm. So we, , kind of bring that to the surface and we're like, all right, well, like, we're not really gonna do anything with that right now.

That lasted a week. Yeah. Maybe. , and then it became. Okay, well I guess we should probably have some conversations about [00:13:00] if this is something that we could do. Mm-hmm. And so we started dating. Mm-hmm. Now again, we'll have a whole other episode where we talk about what we believe dating actually is. , but for me, for us, at that time, dating was not a status.

Mm-hmm. To sit in. It was a process to move through. Yeah. A process of analyzing, a process of really assessing whether or not we were a good fit to be married to one another. Like there's an end goal to that, there's an end goal, strong intention with a destination in mind that we wanted to get to as quickly as possible, but take as much time as we needed.

So then we started dating for two weeks ago. About two weeks. Mm-hmm. And the thing that led us to break that off mm-hmm. , was a question that I had asked you. Mm-hmm. And the question was. If God were standing in front of you in the flesh, white robes, everything, and he asked you to give [00:14:00] up all of your desires, dreams, and possessions mm-hmm.

And follow him, would you? Yeah. And I had a really hard time with that question because one, I actually really don't think I, I would have at the time. I don't think my faith was strong enough. And then two, like I definitely, like, for some reason I just wasn't thinking about if God was standing in front of me in the flesh.

You know, I was just thinking about would I give up everything for God? Um, and that's a, that's a tough question. Yeah. It's a heavy question and it's a really heavy question. So the hypotheticals also the fact that I just was not taking in con into consideration that God is standing in front of me, you know, and the hypothetical.

Yeah. And there's like no doubt Yeah. That it's, there's no doubt that he's real. Yeah. Um, and yeah, I also don't think my faith was strong enough at the time, so I was like, no. And that showed a lot about my spiritual maturity, , and how I needed to work on that. So we ended up just not [00:15:00] moving forward. Yeah.

Yeah. So we, we kind of shook hands at that point. Mm-hmm. Was like, all right. Like, you know, maybe this isn't a right fit right now, maybe at another time. Mm-hmm. And what was so good about how we actually went about that process is the fact that because we hadn't, because we had built a foundation on the friendship.

Mm-hmm. And it wasn't about the romantic dating status. The heartbreak lasted 48 hours max. Yeah. And then we're back to friends. We're just back to friends. Right. As if nothing ever happened. And I think the first time that we dated, we kind of did it, right? Mm-hmm. Despite the fact that we had already been pretty emotionally intimate with each other, despite that, I think we really kind of did it right.

You know, it wasn't like breaking my heart that we weren't gonna be together. I could still go back to being friends with you. There was mutual understanding and respect and. We had discussed the important things and things weren't lining up, and it was just like, all right, it's just not the time. Yep. And then in hindsight, I actually think that that kind of opened up a [00:16:00] door that couldn't end up being closed.

And we'll get to that later, next few months passed. And there were a couple of things that happened, and because we were so close with one another, there was this weird, , expectation. There was like a lot of trust there. Mm-hmm. And a breach of trust had a lot of weight to it. Mm-hmm. So as we're getting more emotionally close, there were so many ways that I was hurting you, and I was just failing to have empathy for you.

I was failing to care for you. Um, I was very self-focused and I was really struggling to be. A good friend at that time because I had never been so emotionally close to someone before. Hmm. And I can tie this back to being an only child and of course being an only child doesn't automatically dq DQ you and like mean that you can't have emotional intelligence or [00:17:00] empathy or anything like that.

But just going back to my childhood and thinking about how at the end of the day if I wanted to go back to my own room and my own house, I didn't have to think about siblings. I didn't really have to think about other people constantly. I didn't have to raise someone else or, or take care of someone else.

You just didn't have the practice or experience doing it. Yeah. I just didn't have the practice or experience. So like empathy is absolutely a skill. Yeah. And it's just something I had not practiced. Yeah. And like selflessness or taking focus off of self is just not something I had practiced very often because I was the only child.

Mm-hmm. I was like. The world revolves around me, you know? Mm-hmm. So like there were so many instances where I was hurting Aaron almost constantly. Like it was getting more and more often that I was hurting Aaron. Um, we just entered into this dark period of a few months where I was really realizing how simple of a human I am and how much growth that, well, you weren't [00:18:00] even supposed to be in a relationship that was that close.

That's true of that capacity. Yeah. And so like. Without proper preparation. Mm-hmm. Proper expectations. Yeah. You were not properly equipped. Mm-hmm. You're now, , in this position where you are taking care of someone. Mm-hmm. Serving someone, thinking about someone, but you're friends with them. Yeah. I'm friends with them.

Like, we're not, we're not married. It's not supposed to be that way. Yeah. You, it's just, we literally, we went to marriage therapy as friends for being friends. Yeah. Like that, that's how weird this situation was. Yes. We went to a marriage therapist. Yeah. But we called it friendship therapy. Yeah. Because we, we really wanted our friendship to work.

Yeah. Right. Like, it, it was, it was a very important relationship to us. We really cared for each other. We really loved each other. We did. , not in like a romantic sense. No, no, no. But in a sense of like, we wanted to make sure that this relationship worked and we wanted to like, put in the effort towards it.

Yeah. But like, we were just having all of these issues. Mm-hmm. This prime example of kind of like what all of these issues were about, but there was this [00:19:00] time. On National Donut Day, and I can't tell you what day that is off the top of my head, but I know that on National Donut Day, Krispy Kreme just gives away tons of donuts.

Yeah. And I know that if you went to a Krispy Kreme and you just mentioned National Donut Day, they would give you a dozen glazed donuts. And I was like, I'm gonna go to every location nearby and get me some donuts. So I'm going to every location. I think there was three. So I started with one. I started with the second one, the third location I got to, they ran out of Glazed Donuts.

They were giving away cream filled donuts. Mm-hmm. And on the ride home, I called Aaron and I was like, yo, I got six cream filled donuts. Like, I'm so excited. Very important note about this. Cream filled donuts was my favorite treat at the time. Yeah, yeah. So I called him and he was like, that's so cool. Can you save some for me?

And I was like, yeah, absolutely. 'cause obviously we were like hanging out almost every day. So yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't even specifically save some, it was like. It there was this idea that it [00:20:00] was multiple, yeah. I don't remember what the exact wording was, but it was like saving multiple donuts. Yeah. So he can snack on 'em over the next few days.

Yeah, absolutely. So what iden instead is I ate most of them. I went home and ate most of 'em 'cause they just looked so good. And, , the next day I brought a whole bunch of donuts to work. 'cause I had 36 donuts. So I brought a whole bunch of donuts to work and I was letting people have all these donuts and I was just giving them away or eating them myself.

And I was just being really gluttonous and like, just thinking about myself. And while I'm eating these donuts, I know that Aaron had requested cream field donuts. He requested multiple. And you, you agreed to it? I agreed to it too. I knew it, I agreed to it, but I was like, man, these just look so good. And I was like, it won't hurt him that much.

Like they're just donuts, you know? But like, at the same time I knew it would hurt him. I knew that I'd agreed to it, that I had given him my word about these donuts and. Instead, I looked at them and I was like, [00:21:00] but these would really hit the spot. So I ate them. I left them one, one cream filled donut. And I think looking at that situation, it might sound so silly, but we bring it up all the time because it was so significant.

It was like a breaking point in our friendship. It was, it. I think what makes it significant is the fact that it encapsulated what all of the other Yeah. Small little breaches of trust where it was like death by a thousand cuts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And this was something that was happening mm-hmm. Almost daily.

Mm-hmm. It was almost comical how often this was happening and it, I don't think I was trying to hurt you, but I was smart enough to know what would hurt you. So I wasn't trying to hurt you, but I was thinking about myself. But you knew that it would above you. Yeah. Knowing that it would hurt you, but I was like, I only wanna care for myself again, how many conflicts mm-hmm.

In relationships are about the simple things. A lot of the, of small things. Yeah. It's not about the donuts. Yeah. [00:22:00] It's about the trust. Yeah. It's about the broken promises. Yeah. That's what was being mm-hmm. Broken there. It wasn't the donuts mm-hmm. That mattered. It, it was the fact that I was agreeing to things, breaking my promises, knowing that I was gonna break my promises, choosing myself over you.

Um, continuing to just only think of myself. And that's what a ton of our conflicts were about. And it was just happening over and over again. Like you said, death by a thousand paper guts. And I think at the time, again, I had not practiced a lot of empathy. I had not practiced a lot of emotional, um, intelligence.

I had not practiced a lot of communication. Um, and I also think, like I didn't have a lot of practice in keeping my word. Yeah. What, what makes it so interesting is that like, and we'll talk about this in, in just a little bit, but. Keeping one's word has always been a very key part mm-hmm. [00:23:00] Of me. Yeah. My values.

Mm-hmm. That is the quickest way that I can trust someone. Mm-hmm. It's also the quickest way that I can be hurt. Mm-hmm. And so it was that one button. Mm-hmm. It was like I kept breaking, pushing it. Yeah. And it was, again, it was so constant and we didn't really know how to solve it. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Um, in my mind I had like defined keeping my word in a different way.

Like one, it wasn't huge value for me, but also like, if I told you I was gonna do something and then I end up not doing it. Like I didn't view it as a lie or an, I didn't view it as like, I don't know how to explain it, but like, it just wasn't significant to me. Mm-hmm. It's like I just fell through on something.

What's the big deal? You know? Yeah. And obviously, like we had different conflicting values there. I kept doing what I was doing despite the fact that Aaron had voiced multiple times that it was important to him. To you. Yeah. [00:24:00] So that, as I'm sure you can imagine, led to a lot of pain, heartbreak breaches of trust, and this is all while we're friends.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So this is where things get a little interesting. So June rolls around. Mm-hmm. This is June, 2022. By the way. We got married January of 2023. Yes. Yep. Just to put some context on how this is about to go. Mm-hmm. So June, 2022 rolls around and patients and I sit down on my couch in my house at that time and I'm like, Hey, this is hurting me a lot.

Mm-hmm. And it's getting to a point where like, I can't really keep up with it. Yeah. So one of two things needs to happen here. Either it stops mm-hmm. For good. Mm-hmm. Or we need to step away from each other. Yeah. Because I can't keep it this close and be hurt. It, the way I described it at the time was [00:25:00] I was hugging a cactus, right?

Mm-hmm. And at some point I needed to let go. Mm-hmm. And it was a very painful conversation. Mm-hmm. There were tears on both sides. Mm-hmm. And when, when I brought that up to patients, she said, I don't think I'm able to stop. I felt a lot of shame, and I felt really discouraged because again, I wasn't like actively trying to hurt you every day.

Mm-hmm. But I didn't have the emotional intelligence to not mm-hmm. Like, I wasn't emotionally mature enough yet to not. Mm-hmm. Um, so I remember it being really painful and I, I felt really ashamed. I remember going home and eating a bunch of Oreos because I, I felt depressed because I was like, I'm losing my best friend.

Like, this is it. We're never talking to each other again. Like it's over. Um, and I didn't trust that I couldn't stop hurting Aaron. [00:26:00] So I, and I'm often very much an extreme person, so I'm like, if I'm gonna do it one more time, then like, I might as well just never talk again. Cut everything off that. Yeah.

Just like, just don't even try. Yeah. Don't even, like, don't even try. I don't think it's possible. Mm. Like I'm definitely gonna hurt you again at some point. Let's just stop. I'm just giving up. So that obviously was, you know, pretty painful on both sides. Mm-hmm. And, , mind you, we are just friends. Yeah. Like, legitimately we're just friends at this point.

And I think this is so funny, we, we kind of hinted at how dating shouldn't be. Like heartbreaking. Mm-hmm. And gut wrenching. Yeah. And awful and painful. There should be so much emotional intimacy there. Yes. That like if you break off, it ends up being horrible thing. It end up being horrible. But then we were doing that as friends.

As friends. It was just really, really weird. Yeah. So we split off, that lasted about two weeks. , though best way I can describe it is that I was addicted [00:27:00] to my relationship with patients. Mm-hmm. , I was so, we were so deep into that relationship mm-hmm. That it was so hard to cut off. It was very difficult to cut off.

Mm-hmm. , I describe it as I was trauma bonded. Yeah. And I don't know if that's the psychologically correct term, but that's the best term that I had to describe what I was experiencing. And so I reached back out to patients after we kind of said like that we wouldn't communicate about two weeks later.

And I was like, Hey. You doing okay. And literally like we blocked each other. Yeah. You know, because we didn't trust happened that we couldn't text each other. We, we wouldn't text each other. So we literally made an agreement to block each other mm-hmm. For a certain amount of time. Yeah. I unblocked patients mm-hmm.

To text her, Hey, are you doing okay? Or, Hey, can we talk? Or whatever it was. Mm-hmm. And whatever ended up happening, we met up at ihop. Mm-hmm. , on like Tuesday night. Yeah. And I'm [00:28:00] basically like. Dude, like, I probably just misunderstood you. You know, like there's probably just some big misunderstanding.

There was so excuse. We, we've got, we've gotta, obviously, like, this probably wasn't as big of a deal as, you know, we made it out to be, you know, despite the fact that I had been hurting you for months, you know? And so I, I really wanted to have that relationship back and , obviously I didn't want to go back into the pain.

Yeah, right. But I was like, we can work through it. We can figure this out. So, , we. Basically come to an agreement where it's like, okay, like we'll try it again. Mm-hmm. But we'll be, I'll have some more boundaries. We'll have more boundaries. I think we were hanging out less. Yeah. Much, much less. Yeah. We were trying to be normal friends.

Mm-hmm. But also had the stipulation of like, hey, well, like, the reason why it hurt so much is because I, you know, it was hugging the cactus like really, really tight. Yeah. You know, and so it was like, maybe this time, like, I'll kind of like loosely shake hands with the cactus. And so, , the, you know, we put up some more boundaries.

We, we try to keep it a little [00:29:00] bit less intimate than what we had before. Yeah. Um, and as well kind of put a stipulation as like, you know, if we end up falling back into all patterns, we're gonna cut it off again. Mm-hmm. And so we kind of go into a probationary friendship. One of the biggest boundaries that we put up was we said we wouldn't talk about, , our emotions.

Mm-hmm. We wouldn't talk about how we were feeling. We would simply talk about events Yeah. And situations and things like that. But it was really difficult. Yeah. Because. I like, I'm a very perceptive person and I also like wanna solve all the problems so I could pick up that patience wasn't well, patience was sad.

Mm-hmm. And so I would wanna talk about it. Yeah. And solve the problem, but we couldn't. Yeah. So it was like, well, you know, we can sit down, we can have a conversation, we can solve everything, but also that would be against what we agreed to do. Mm-hmm. So then obviously created some issues and then finally we were like, this sucks.

We're just gonna kind of go back to being friends. Right. Um, and cross our fingers, hope for the best. Now at this point, , again, we had kind of come up [00:30:00] with a stipulation of like, if we have another breach of trust. Mm-hmm. We're done. Yeah. And it happened. Yeah. I don't even remember what it was. I don't remember either.

But I remember that it happened and there was this kind of point of like, crap, well, oh, that's what it was. Oh. I think it was something along the lines of like, you were going to meet me at a certain time, or call me at a certain time. Mm-hmm. But you ended up doing something else because you could, you figured like, well, I, I could just wait.

Yeah. No, I think I remember, I think it, someone had asked me to pick them up from the airport or something 'cause they, they couldn't find a ride. And I was like, I'm gonna be serving someone. So obviously Aaron wouldn't mind. Yeah. You know, so that, but we had agreed to meet. Yeah. And so that was like crap.

Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. So at that point we're like, well, what do we do? Mm-hmm. And so we met with our priest. Yeah. [00:31:00] And we were talking with him and kind of about this whole situation about like, what do we do? And during that conversation, the truth came out, I think, for all of us. Including you patients. Yeah. I think the priest had asked me if I could even be friends with you.

He had asked some kind of question and I realized that I. Just being friends with Erin was too painful for me this whole time. I had feelings for you, even throughout all of that pain. And it came out that like, I couldn't just be friends with you. I always had in the back of my mind, like, I want something more with this person.

And what made it so difficult is that the door was opened in September, the year prior. Mm-hmm. The door was opened. We started dating. We cut it off. Yeah. We said maybe we'd go back to it one day, depending on like how he mature. Mm-hmm. And that door never really closed for you. Yeah. And it was a tough moment for me hearing it.

Mm-hmm. [00:32:00] Because I didn't wanna date the person that caused me so much pain. Mm-hmm. But I didn't want to give up the relationship either. Right. Mm-hmm. I wanted the friendship. Yeah. But I also, it was gut wrenching for me to hear that you were being hurt. Every day that we were friends. Mm-hmm. And not more than that.

Mm-hmm. Because you, you were pining after the more, you were waiting for the more mm-hmm. It was mm-hmm. Act and that what came outta the conversation is that it was hurting you. Mm-hmm. To just, just be, just friends. Yeah. Right. I think I would've held myself back from other relationships in order to stay friends with you or in order to keep that door open with you.

Hmm. And like, I just, it wasn't, it wasn't healthy and it wasn't wise, but there was so much pain being caused because I was pining after you, and, and this might sound really dramatic, but I remember there were nights where I was like, I would cry in bed because I was so sad that I couldn't be with you because I loved you, [00:33:00] despite the fact that I was hurting you all the time.

I loved you. And I remember multiple nights crying in bed and being like, this sucks. This sucks so bad. Yeah. And I kept, the thing is for me is when we were friends, like I. Should have drew stronger boundaries. It was like I was getting the benefits of having, , an emotional female partner. Yeah. Without the responsibility that came from being married.

Yeah. And it was friends with benefits, but not in a sexual or physical way. The emotional way. Yeah. And that was on me because I, I wasn't leading you on in the sense of I was flirting with you. Yeah. But I kept that relationship there. Yeah. From the conversation with our priest. Mm-hmm. He said, you can only take two paths here.

Mm-hmm. If you don't wanna hurt each other. Yeah. It's, [00:34:00] you either cut it off completely Yeah. Or you start dating. Yeah. And it seems pretty evident that those are the only two paths. Mm-hmm. And at the time I was like. I think I was a little upset because I was like, we can still just be friends. You know?

But that hadn't worked for us. Mm-hmm. There were multiple times where we tried to just be friends, but we continued to have break those emotional boundaries that we should not have had. Yeah. I think it kind of sounds like an awful ultimatum, but in reality it, it's what we needed. We needed It was the only two options.

Yeah. It was the only two options because we kept where we were. We would continue hurting each other and continue holding each other back and continue, like keeping us from being sane, healthy people. Yeah. Yeah. And so if when he had shared this one key thing, he said, mm-hmm. Either path is blessed. Yeah.

And at this time I was a little bit more deterministic in my thinking. Fatalistic. You know, it's like [00:35:00] there's only ever one right path. Mm. There's one right choice. Mm. And it's up to you to find out what that one right choice is. He had shared a perspective I had never thought of. You could go down either path and either one will be blessed by the Lord.

The Lord will work in it. The Lord will work in it. Yeah. But you gotta choose. Yeah. And so I was like, oh crap, I have to choose. So, , and this was a tough decision because again, you were so hurt. I did not want to leave. Like it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, but I did not wanna get closer Yeah.

To you because I was so hurt. Mm-hmm. And so it's like, well how would we even work through this? You know? But I also can't imagine not having you in my life. Yeah. What makes this interesting is it was like a week or two later. We're both volunteering or, , we're, we're [00:36:00] both working at a summer camp together mm-hmm.

In Maine. And again, we had just kind of had this major issue. So like, you know, we were kind of no contact and like there was a chance that we would be like completely no contact depending on the decision. Yeah. That both of us came to on this very thing. Yeah. Right. We were taking some time to pray about it and like really think about it, discuss it.

But, but the thing is like, imagine we're summer camp counselors together working in a tight space with all of these children as colleagues, and it was a small summer camp. It was not like a large, it's like 50 50 kits, you know? Yeah. That's it. It was very small. Yeah. And so like we have this. Issue now of like, well, like this is gonna be kind of awkward, right?

Mm-hmm. So, , anyway, patience flies there. Mm-hmm. So she gets there ahead of me. Um, we are in Virginia Beach is where we're based out of, and the camp is in Northern Maine. Mm-hmm. I drive there. Mm-hmm. So I have about 12 and a half hours of no distractions. And I don't rem I think [00:37:00] a friend had recommended this book to me.

I don't know where you got the book from, but, , it was called too Good to leave, but Too Bad To Stay. Mm-hmm. Too good to leave. Too Bad to Stay. Now this book is written by like a relationship. Marriage therapist or whatever. And it's being written from the perspective of when do you know when to leave your marriage?

Yeah. I also don't think it was a Christian, right? Like it was not a Christian. Um, it was basically advocating like, should you get divorced or should you stay in your marriage? And obviously we're opposed to that very concept. We believe that marriage is eternal. There is no divorce. Yeah. , and so the, the, the, the premise of the book didn't fully agree with, so there were some things that were being said.

It was like, I kind of brushed off, but it gave me a very clear checklist to go through of how to identify what I should do. Yeah. What decision should I make, you know? Yeah. It was such a tough choice. So I needed like, where did this book come from? That's so funny. I think it was a, I think it was a recommendation from a friend, but I [00:38:00] could be wrong, but it gave me a very clear checklist, which was super helpful 'cause I just needed that resource.

So I go through this, right. And . I'm, I'm going through this audio book on this 12 and a half hour trip up to Maine and it's got something like 52 checklist items mm-hmm. Of how to determine if you should leave, if any of them don't get checked or get checked or whatever, any of them. Mm-hmm. You should leave and it's this long, exhaustive list and goes really in depth and I go through the whole thing and I reach the end and not a single one was dq.

That's crazy. So I'm like, oh crap, there's your answer. 'cause now I have my answer. But again, neither of the [00:39:00] answers was an answer I wanted. Yeah. But I had my answer. Yeah. And so I was like, okay, well Lord, I'm gonna make this choice. On faith and trust that we'll figure it out. Mm-hmm. Somehow, but what, what I pulled from that, and I think there were a couple items that were key for me, and, , it was something along the lines of, does your partner, , is your partner aware that they are hurting you?

Mm-hmm. Is your partner wanting to change, willing to change? And are they able to change? Have you ever seen them actually make a change? Yeah. And when we kind of put the ultimatum on it back in, you know, the beginning of June, there was a two week period there where there was no breach of trust, there was no issues, no problems.[00:40:00] 

And that was evidence to me that. You were capable of change and I was trying. You were. I was willing. You were willing. Yeah. And you were able mm-hmm. You were aware, willing, and able. Yeah. And that was for me, like the big thing. Mm-hmm. Now, if you're listening to this and you are married, , again, we do not advocate for divorce.

No, not at all. No matter what, um, you know, there is something to be said for if you're being abused or, , there's some infidelity going on, then in that case I recommend seeking spiritual guidance. Mm-hmm. Again, you can go to your local Orthodox church and, , consult with the priest there. Um, if you are in a dating relationship or you're in a, an, an engagement or a friendship with someone and you're running into these issues, I do recommend that book.

Again, I don't recommend it for marriage, but I recommend it outside of that too. Good to leave. Too bad to stay and going through that list. And for me, the big thing was, , [00:41:00] in any breaches of trust, were they aware? Mm-hmm. Wailing and able. Yeah. And all three of those were true. So we go to the summer camp and I'm like, Hey, I think I have my decision we should date.

Mm-hmm. And so I ask her out and, , I think we took a couple days to pray on it. We, we took a couple of days to pray on it. And this kind of clues in to the second, well, another issue in this long line of issues, I had a really hard time taking no as an answer. Mm. And so for me, this is like, but maybe so good at sales, I was like, I'm persistent.

Yeah. You know, , and if I set my mind to something, it's gonna happen. Come hell or high water, other people are gonna bend to my will. Yeah. And it was extremely immature. . When I made my decision, I was like, I put in a lot of work in that decision. Yeah. You know, we are gonna [00:42:00] date. Yeah. You know, no matter what you decide.

Yeah. So I was very persistent on that. Mm-hmm. And I was like, Hey, hey, hey, over and over again. Mm-hmm. Until eventually she was like, okay, like I feel good about it too. Mm-hmm. Now this is important, , to note. So put a pin in that and you'll see the same issue appear again later. Mm-hmm. , but patience is like, okay, cool.

Like, let's date. Yeah. And I think I also, I, I also wanna mention that like I am, I struggled with people pleasing, so him being persistent plus my people pleasing leads to a lot of giving in. Mm-hmm. Um, now did you give in when I asked you out to date?

I don't think so. I think I had prayed about it. I think I had sought the Lord and I felt okay about it. But even still, like I was. Yeah. Very easy to lead in certain di directions. Yeah. So we started dating Yeah. While we were working [00:43:00] as camp counselors. Yes. Don't recommend that. , it, it was fun though. It, it was, it was fun for us, but it wasn't fair to the kids and the other people there.

It was not. Yeah. Um, and so because we were, we were like really excited about it, you know, and like, we try to keep it low key, but like, we were not, we had our little honeymoon phase, you know? Yeah. So we started dating. Mm-hmm. And while we're there at the camp, , we, again, we view dating as a process to move through.

Yeah. To take as much time as you need mm-hmm. But move through also as quickly as possible mm-hmm. On the intention of finding out if we should get married. Yeah. And so we started having those conversations immediately. And I think a huge part of that is because we had already been so emotionally intimate with each other.

We had already spent so much time together. We were like, we know everything about each other. We're best friends. Like, we just need to get to the marriage talks. We'll get through this really quickly. Yeah. And so the only thing left was what our unconditional were. Mm-hmm. What were the things that were like our unconditional going into a marriage.

Mm-hmm. And so, , for us it was. Dogs, you know, how [00:44:00] many dogs and what types of dogs. So I'm a huge dog lover. Yeah. , and you've grown into a dog lover thank Oh, for sure. The Lord. Yeah. , but at that time you were not really into dogs and you also didn't like my dog. Yeah. Your dog was annoying. So Yes. At the time.

At the time. So I had a, a golden retriever named Roscoe. He's, , right downstairs. And he was in his teenage face. He was in his teenage face. Yeah. So he was a wild, wild little lunatic. And patients actually dog sat him for a little bit like the summer prior. Yeah. So she got kind of the worst of Roscoe. , and so she wasn't a huge fan of dog.

She wasn't a huge fan of shedding. Mm-hmm. And she wasn't a huge fan of big dogs. Yeah. And he's a golden retrieve. So he's pretty big. Was like, I, I grew up thinking I was gonna have a small non shedding dog. Yeah. And then the opposite of that is happen. I had big shedding dog. , and not only that, I wanted multiple dogs.

, I didn't want little Roscoe to be alone. I wanted him to have a furry play buddy. Yeah. Or three. Four. Mm-hmm. , and so [00:45:00] patients wanted one small non shedding dog and I wanted multiple big shedding dogs. So obviously that's like, okay, that's an issue. So we talked through that and we kind of come to an agreement that like, yeah, if I'm responsible for, you know, taking care of them most of the time and cleaning out most of the time, then we'll be good.

Now, obviously it's gonna change a little bit. Yeah. But I'll the say that was the agreement we came to. Yeah. , and then the next thing was kids. Yeah. , and so I wanted at least two. Right. At least two. Yeah. Multiple kids. And you wanted zero to one. Zero to one. Yeah. So again, very different. Something to work compatible.

So we talked through that. Mm-hmm. , quite a bit. Yeah. Um, and again, we kind of just on that we agreed to disagree, so we agreed to kind of seek the Lord's guidance. Yes. And the Lord will do as he wills. Yeah. That is exactly what I was about to say. We were like, if the Lord wills us to have multiple kids, then so be it, if you will.

Just to have none. We're just gonna leave it in his hands. We'll see what happens. Yep. And [00:46:00] finally, , also finances. How we manage finances. I've, you know, tended to be a big spender. Yeah. , I make the money. Mm-hmm. And then let it go. And I kept every single penny I could. Mm-hmm. I was a penny pincher. Yeah.

So it was like, we have, and at this point, like I had kind of begun my. Remote entrepreneurial remote sales journey. So I was already making a little more, more money than most, you know, young 20 somethings are making. Yeah. Right outta college. Mm-hmm. , and so, I mean, obviously it's all relative and it wasn't too, too much, but it was enough that I had plenty to spend on whatever I wanted and spend.

I did. Yeah. , but patience on the other hand, she wasn't making that much, but she was also very, very frugal financially. So those are like two different things. So we kind of came to an agreement on how we would manage our finances, things like that. Now what made this interesting is also the [00:47:00] conversations that we were having with the pastor there at the camp.

Yeah. He kind of spoken to our lives and provided us with a lot of wisdom and a perspective that we needed. Mm-hmm. But it was very hard to hear. Yeah. And so I'll start, he was always given these hard truths. Yeah. Year after year. Yeah. He only saw two, so hard to hear years. But yeah, it was very hard hear.

Yeah. . And so for me, I'll share what, what I needed. It was you have your conditions and then you have this person that you wanna marry. Mm-hmm. Pick one. You are not marrying your dream spouse. Yeah. You're not marrying the person you want your spouse to be. Yeah. And I didn't even fully accept that.

Mm-hmm. Right. Until after we got married. Oh, yeah. , until a long while later. Yes. Yeah. And, and so he was like, pick one. You know? 'cause your list of conditions is like an idol. Mm. You know? Yeah. And so, like, you are not here [00:48:00] to. Find or fashion your perfect spouse and get it on your individualistic basis.

It's simply to pick someone. Yeah. Flaws and all. Mm-hmm. And to lay down your life. Yeah. That includes laying down your desires Dreams, wishes, and conditions list. Mm-hmm. For that wife. Yeah. No matter what she looks like. Mm-hmm. Compatibility. Overrated. Yeah. 'cause we were incompatible in many ways. Oh, for sure.

That whole idea of I need to find the perfect person, let go of that. Pick someone, devote yourself to her. Mm-hmm. It is not about being happy, it is not about getting something out of the relationship. It is about laying down your life for whoever the Lord gives you. Yeah. No matter what she looks like.

Mm-hmm. No matter how compatible or incompatible you are, marriage is for holiness. Yeah. Not for happiness. Yeah. And that was the big thing that he spoke to me about. Mm-hmm. , and again, I didn't even fully accept that until long after I got married. Yeah. And [00:49:00] it led to a lot of problems, which we'll talk about here in just a moment.

And that was around the time that we also had that kid chat and we kind of just agreed to follow whatever the Lord said. Yeah. Once we finished those chats, it took about three days. Yeah, I think so. And then we were like, well, there's nothing left. So wrong. I guess the next logical step is married to get married.

Married, married. You know, especially with the mindset we had about dating, which I still believe that dating is a process to move through, but we were like, we know everything. We went through the process. Now we have to get married. Yeah. So I think, do you know the exact amount of days before we got engaged?

Do you know? We started dating middle, , it was something like five weeks from the time that we started dating to the time that we got engaged and I proposed to you and over that five week period after the first three days where we had those conversations leading up to the day where I popped the question.

Mm-hmm. I asked patients if she [00:50:00] would marry me over and over and over, and patients multiple times told me. I don't think I'm ready. Yeah. Now in my mind, I had all the reasons why we needed to move through it quickly. You know, we wanna prevent it against sexual temptation, we wanna move through it quickly, like all of that stuff.

And like if you know you're gonna say yes down the road, what's the difference between, why not just say it now, you know, and like allow us to start preparing for the wedding ceremony and it takes some time and all the reasons for it. But the bottom line was you weren't ready to say yes. I wasn't ready, I wasn't comfortable.

And like you just said, like I was pretty sure I was going to say yes, but I just wasn't comfortable. I didn't feel ready. I, something didn't feel quite right and I kept saying no. I kept saying not yet. I said maybe eventually, I'm not really sure what I said. But [00:51:00] again, I'm a people pleaser. You are also very persistent.

Yeah. I don't wanna say I am because that's, that's not who I have to be and that's not who I am now. But I struggled with being a people pleaser. Yeah. And between persistence on your side and me being a people pleaser at the time, I eventually said yes. Yeah. Even though I knew I wasn't ready, I, I wasn't, my yes.

Wasn't a true. Yes. It was like, okay, yeah, we can go forward with it. Yeah. And I remember the, the morning what I had done was, , I had planned this whole thing out and, , you guys listening to this are probably gonna be like, oh, this is so romantic. But again, like it comes with a small undercurrent of, there was a little bit of tension there.

Now, mind you. We had still not healed from all of the baggage from our friendship. Yes. We, we did not work through any of that. Let's, let's look at this [00:52:00] timeline here. We dated for about five weeks, and right before we dated, we were having serious conflicts. Like two weeks later, or like three weeks later, something like that.

We had cut off our relationship. Yes. And then less than a month later, we start dating and then five weeks later we got engaged. You engaged. So like there was, there was no true healing. There was no true communication and we had not healed from any of the trauma that we had gone through. We had not worked through the fact that we were too emotionally close as friends.

We hadn't worked through the fact that I broke trust multiple times and that we were hurting each other so much. But then we just jumped into dating and then basically jumped into marriage, into engagement, into marriage. Yeah. So what ended up happening was, , obviously this creates like this weird undercurrent, this weird tension.

Mm-hmm. In our relationship. But we were also like in our honeymoon phase, you know, we were also dating. So it's like, this is new. This is exciting. This is very exciting. The emotions were high. Mm-hmm. The hormones were raging. [00:53:00] Yes, it was. It was so much fun. Yeah, it was. But in the back of our minds, we knew there was a ticking time bomb.

Yeah. But we ignored it. We knew something wasn't because it was fun. Wasn't, yeah. We knew something wasn't quite right. Um, and I also think I was really excited because I was like, I'm finally getting the man that I pined after for months, maybe years, you know? And I was like, this is what I've wanted for so long.

And then that man did not respect you now. And so we get engaged. There's really no point going into the whole story of like how we got engaged. Well, lemme transcript. I will say he planned this fantastic engagement weekend, like it was fantastic. And he went above and beyond. I'm so pleased with how that was.

We started off with. Um, a Thai picnic dinner at a church. The church where we held our ballroom dancing club. Yeah. So we, we ran a ballroom dancing club Yes. In Virginia Beach. And so like, we had had this whole ballroom that was, we had a dinner and a [00:54:00] ballroom and we watched the proposal Yes. As if that wasn't on the nose.

We had like this candle lit, rose pedal filled room. It was so romantic. It's basically the size of a small gymnasium. Yes. Like, think of it like that. It was pretty stink and big. It took a long time to set up. Yeah. I wish we had pictures of it. And then the next day we went on a road trip and we stayed in a schoolie, which is something we had talked about before at school bus conversion.

And we stayed in a, a schoolie. And then we woke up the next day at like 5:00 AM Not even 5:00 AM it was probably like 3:00 AM And we hiked up because he knows I love hiking. And I've always said that I wanted to be proposed to him in a beautiful spot. So we hiked up what? McAfee Knob. McAfee Knob. And we got up there for the sunrise.

It was gorgeous and incredible. Had photographers up there ready for the sunrise, shout out to our photographers. They were so good. Tyler and Kimberly Gilles hooked them up. I think we woke up at like one or two in the morning to hike up there to be there ahead of us. Mm-hmm. So, and they were nature [00:55:00] photographers.

When we got up, I there got to the top and they were like, taking pictures of the cliff. And I was like, there's no way they're, I remember thinking, I was like, there's no way they're actually here to photograph like an engagement or a proposal or anything, but like, they for sure were so, like, I kind of knew it was coming.

Um, but I remember seeing like Tyler taking pictures of like nature and stuff and it's just, yeah. It was so funny. Yeah. So we, , you know, we go up there, you know, I play some music, I give my little speech and then I propose and she says yes. Mm-hmm. And she's smiling, but I could tell mm-hmm. Something was off.

Yeah. And. I, I, I didn't wanna bring it up, you know, obviously, like I'm, I'm, I'm popping the question, like, let's just go with it. Yeah. But it was gut wrenching to see mm-hmm. That she wasn't into it and she had every right to be not into it. Mm. , this was, I'm sure, [00:56:00] like such a bittersweet moment for you. It was really bittersweet because it was literally the engagement of my dreams.

Like you had gone so above and beyond for me. But I also wanna take accountability there to say that I could have communicated with you, I could have said no. I could have said, Hey, I'm not ready for this. Let's hold off. Let's try this again. Maybe another time when I am ready. Or I could have communicated before all of that happened.

So that's something where I really could have done better. But still, and like you had said, yes, like a weak burn. Yeah. Right. Yeah. , 'cause I literally would come to her desk were I would come to her desk day at work. Yeah. Every day at work. Mm-hmm. And I'd be like, will you marry me? Yeah. And she would say, no, no, no, no.

And then one day she caved and she was like, yes. And I was like, you were so excited. Put the plan in motion. I remember how ecstatic you were. And I think we like hugged about it and we were super overjoyed and like, it was exciting. 'cause we were like, we're getting married, you know, like, we're gonna get engaged.

But even still, like, I was not ready. Yeah. [00:57:00] And I didn't communicate that, and I didn't stand my ground when I should have. And so we get engaged. Mm-hmm. , this was August of 2022. Yes. And our engagement period was five months long. We set the date for January 29th. 2023. Mm-hmm. And over that engagement period, as time is passing those problems that we were ignoring mm-hmm.

Started to come back. Yeah. Here's the tricky part though. We are engaged. So our incredible parents mm-hmm. Shout out to both of our sets of parents. We were so incredibly blessed. Yeah. They poured out tons of money to give us the wedding of our dreams. Yeah. And was so beautiful. It was amazing. Yeah. So, again, shout out to our parents.

Yeah. You guys are so generous and kind. Thank you so much. Um, and we're, we're very grateful. Mm-hmm. , but, but money started being [00:58:00] poured into wedding. Money started being poured in and especially the invites went out. Yeah. And it was, it was also like we were getting married in five months and most people wait much longer than that.

So like, we were moving really quick. We had to book the venue. We had to getting we a wedding dress fast. Like, and we had our reasons for it. Yes. 'cause again, we wanted to protect against sexual temptation, sexual tempation. Yeah. And so, , that was coming from a biblical place mm-hmm. Of like, it's better to get married than to be burned up in passion.

Yeah. And so, like, it was coming with the best of intentions except for the fact that it wasn't prudent or wise and led to a lot of issues. Mm-hmm. And so as all this money starts getting poured in our problems, start coming back. Yeah. So at this point, we start going to couples counseling. Mm-hmm. And this isn't just like pre-marital counseling, which we were doing with our priest.

Yeah. But this is like therapy. Mm-hmm. And this is like the third relationship therapist that we had gone to at [00:59:00] this point. Mm-hmm. And as our engagement progressed and these problems just got worse and worse and worse, they asked us a question. This is like. Four weeks before our wedding. Mm-hmm. It's the end of December.

We got married January 29th. Yeah. All right. And they ask us, okay, like out of curiosity, if you could go back and make the choice on whether or not you guys would even want to get married, what would you say? And both of us unanimously said no. Yeah, but the problem was we only had two options. Call it off or postpone it.

Mm-hmm. After tons of money that isn't even our money Yeah. Has been poured into it and all the invites have been sent out. Mm-hmm. And it's all non-refundable at this point. Yeah. 'cause it's so close before the wedding. Mm-hmm. Or just move forward with it. Yeah. And hope that we can figure it out once we get married.

And we both had this hope that because we were [01:00:00] married, that maybe that would fix it because we tied the knot and we're closer together. Like that would solve our problems. Maybe this is just all tension. Yeah. Because we aren't actually married. But we should be married. Yeah. Maybe sex would fix it. Yeah.

And if you are engaged or dating, that is not true. No, most certainly not true. We do not think that's right. And so we end up getting around to our marriage and, and we're blessed on this one thing. , we were very into each other physically and so. Obviously the reason why we're like, you know, trying to move through this process quickly is because again, we want to protect against, you know, sexual temptation.

And that became very real the closer we got to. And actually, funny story, , it was like two weeks before our wedding and we, like, we go to a priest and we're like, Hey, like we're really struggling. We keep inching closer and closer and closer. What do we do? And he was like, and, and just imagine he's a very meek, meek and mild small man, right?

He's like, stop it, [01:01:00] stop it. You're like, two weeks before your wedding, stop it. And it's just funny. Like, you have to know him. , and our friends listening to this or like, they know, they would just die laughing thinking about that. 'cause he's like such like a quiet little guy. He doesn't say much and he's like, stop it.

So anyway, yes. Um, we get around to our wedding day. All of these problems are in front of us. And when we get married, it's, it's very. Difficult. Mm-hmm. At bittersweet in that way. And no one knew. Yeah. No one knew. No one knew how bad this was. Even as we were getting married. Like things were not better.

They were just getting worse. Yeah. Yeah. So then we actually get around to our wedding day. Mm-hmm. And our wedding day was phenomenal. Phenomenal. It was amazing. Mm-hmm. We were so blessed. Again, it was the wedding of our dreams, the amazing orthodox wedding ceremony, which we'll have another episode. We'll go through every step of the ceremony.

It's really cool [01:02:00] and beautiful and you can probably speak a little bit to that. Yeah. It was really one of the most mystical experiences I've ever. Had it was just incredible. And there's just so many details and so much meaning and, and it was just absolutely incredible. Yeah. It was, it was a, a wonderful experience.

And then obviously the dance party afterwards. Yeah. It was a ton of fun. Yeah. And even like our cake topper for our wedding cake said just, just friends. Yeah. Kind of as this like callback to like, you know, the running joke of everyone looking at us and we were like, oh, we're just friends. We're just friends.

But here's the thing that no one knew is that when they were like, oh, you're just friends. And we're like, no, we are just friends. Mm-hmm. , what they didn't see. Was the pain. Yeah. The betrayals of trust. They didn't see the boundaries being crossed. They didn't see the fact that we actually dated for two weeks and then broke it off.

Mm-hmm. [01:03:00] Because we weren't mature yet. It wasn't where it needed to be. And so like everyone's just kind of like, no, just like, oh, you, you need to get into a relationship. Mm-hmm. Because we looked like we were in a relationship. Yeah. We were getting all the benefits of having a marriage basically without actually being married.

Mm-hmm. And except for obviously like the sex and things like that, not the No. Um, but it was, it was really messed up. And so like we kind of put it there as like, you know, aha. Just friends. But they didn't see all of that stuff. Mm-hmm. And so when we get married, obviously, and it was, it was an incredible time.

Like, don't get us wrong, we were still best friends. Mm-hmm. So we had a great time. Yeah. But we thought that going into marriage things would get better. It would get easier. It would get easier. It was by tying the knot, becoming one flesh, like have some sex, like the solve everything. It would solve everything, but all it did was make it worse.

Yeah. Much, much [01:04:00] worse. When our sinfulness came together, it exploded and we were not expecting what was about to come to us and that we'll have to wait for part two because obviously this is quite a story. , so if you want to hear what happened next and. The, the depths that our, our marriage went down to, , but also the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel and how we got out of that.

Mm-hmm. Then listen to the next episode. We'll be going over the rest of our story from the time we got married up until now and how we were able to actually, by God's grace come out of a lot of those difficulties that we're just right around the corner because again, right after we got married is when things really got difficult.

So, again, thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast. Looking forward to hearing you guys on the second episode, and I will see you guys later. [01:05:00] Bye.